I have faith in you

"I have faith in you" is a sentence i heard at the end of my dream one night weeks ago. The unbelievably believable feeling i experienced while I heard that, is something I'll never forget; I would think it was real if i hadn't woken up. It gives me hope to hear someone say I have faith in you. Especially if that person is me..

lost ME

بين انقاض الورق ... باحثاً عن نفسي بين صالح الجديد .. والصالح المستجد ... بين ماهو ينبغي .. وبين ما اريد ...

in this institution called college, ive seen other aspects of me .. a different face had shown .. while the acts are the same ... the wildness... happiness ... but im missing the thought ..........

ive been thinking about the name of the blog ... thoughts do matter .... its each and every one's thoughts..... and shifting from one extreme to the other might be bad .....

i cant imagine how our thoughts change without us knowing that .... our behavior might not change ... our acts may not also ... but the way we think ..... believe me it has changed .... i remember how i felt about certain issues ... and my look to different stuff .... and oh boy do i miss the old Me.... on the other side ... its good to be CooL ... to be mE ... but ... there are some lines that must be crossed ......


im still lost between Me and mE .... i hope i get the right equation as i move on the path ..

the true irony is ... that i call my self ... COOLEST EVER ... while my name is SALEH .....

Half the Moon

I'm on the other side of the moon

I'm sure someone thought of this before..

but i'm thinking of it now

I'm on the bright side of the moon, what did you think?

You see when I said the other side, i assumed you were on another planet

Where you only see the dark

But brightness really only shines at night

To those on Earth

those who enjoy my shine

those who look at me and wonder

"is that a man on the moon i see"

No dear, it's a woman, it's me

sign away my life...

without darkness there would be no light
without a husband there would be no wife
without day there would be no night
without me there would be no MY life.

Life works in many ways, left ways, rights ways,
Stupid ways, nice ways, basically…

Opposite ways…

When we sign the contract of living in this world,
We sort of take responsibility of bearing it all.
We bear the good and the bad.
We bear the life and the death.

Its all in this clause that states “free will”
Being non-omniscient of course makes this 'will' harder,
We don’t necessarily always choose the right path, we don’t always necessarily choose the path that will make us happy, we simply choose. We choose and hope for the best.

We choose and we bear it all.

You signed the contract…
“I (insert name) take responsibility for all that I have chosen, and will live with its consequences, I acknowledge that I have the free will to choose, and thus bear it all.”

Signed…

college is taking my time

just missed another important occasion, college is not the one to blame... its I who had forgotten significant dates, numbers, and yeah ...... PEOPLE .....

its this gap that is being created by college.... moving me from OTHERS ... i want my life back ...


i know that the trip is hard, and that it's just the beginning.... i hope i won't reach the point of break down ........... no it wont happen... ive made it through much harder situations, felt this soar sting , "what doesnt kill me ... makes me stronger...." in that i shall believe standing in the face of the tornado... up the river stream ....

thanks for believing in me .... and reminding me of my purple scarf....

be "you"

Why are you spending the prime of your life longing for the acceptance of others??
Are you willing to waste your life trying to fit into one frame or another seeking approval!!
Haven’t you ever wondered why it is that despite the great organization of the world, nature has no fixed form!
The moon has different faces, and the human’s perception of it, values and devalues it by adding to its faces.
Identity is not static, it is changeable, adaptable.
So instead of trying to be what “they” want, just be “you” and instead of seeking the unattainable acceptance of all, demand respect. For respect is what counts not acceptance.

another stressful night, so another poem

Dear Baby,

Every time I see you, i can never know,
How I feel so just read below

I hate you cuz you make me shout,
I hate you cuz you make me doubt

You take away my evening sleep,
Yet you say your love is deep

You care so much, yet sometimes you don’t
I just cant figure wat the hell u want

You make me angry, yet you are chilling
Still you wonder, why is this depressing??

I know that you love me, and that I suck
In so many ways, but that’s ur luck

What can I say? this world aint fair
So deal with it, and go with my flair

Try to embrace me, not get pissed at me
I am not that bad, or why would u love me?

Are you the one, is not the dilemma
It’s that for you, I would kill Emma

I cant predict what will I do
If you leave me here, I wont get through

For now my anger is kinda of less,
But my frustration, is still a stress

I sometimes scream, and I always bicker,
But how I feel is as dazzling as glitter

I sometimes doubt, and I always talk
But how I feel is a booming stock

I hope you know how I love to shout
I hope you know how I enjoy to doubt

Next time I see you, I will try to know
But it will help, if ur not like SNOW

depression has reached the limits ....

ألزمت نفسك شيئا ليس يلزمها* أن لا يواريهم أرض ولا علم

totally scattered, tears filling my eye's, and no one to share.
its always been me ... im always the man ... tasks are infinite, and no one to share.
ive been always helpful ... putting others before me.. the word "NO" ive forgotten... it destroyed my self-esteem, and no one to share.

im clueless, im helpless.... and who i seek for help, needs me, and no one to share.
reached passion... reached fame ... that all gave me shame ... what ever i do ... it always returns on me, and no one to share.
been broken, been stabbed ... been frozen, been hanged, my heart just fainted... my brain just jammed, and no one to share.

its times of pressure that u try to hide, its when everyone else.. on you relied ...
its times when your emotions take over your mind .. its when you cant take it, nor can you deny ..
ur betraying yourself here .. your hurting your soul ..
how ironic it is when self-centered is defending team work ..

while im honored , im successful ... that doesn’t go with me ... its always when success comes ..... something awful happens to me, and no one to share.

محضتني النصح لكن لست اسمعه* ان المحب عن العذل في صمم

this no one whose hidden... is someone in me ... its Saleh... O great Saleh ... that is in trouble .. in trouble indeed .....


وإذا كانت النفوس كباراً ........ تعبت في مرادها الأجساد ......

استميح العذر عن تذمري ونواحي ... فلا مفر لي سوى ... قلوب احبائي ...

someone, somewhere...

Someone, somewhere. You make me smile.
Someone, somewhere. Doesn’t know they do.

Someone, somewhere. You make it worthwhile.
Someone, somewhere. Hope you feel it too.

Someone, somewhere. Doesn’t matter who you are.
Someone, somewhere. I hope its you.

Someone, somewhere . All alone inside.
Someone, somewhere. I am there for you.

Someone, somewhere. Please don’t cry.
Someone, somewhere. I cry sometimes too.

Someone, somewhere. Don’t be ashamed.
Someone, somewhere. Because I have a secret too.

Someone, somewhere. Don’t give up.
Someone, somewhere. You will make it through.

Someone, somewhere. It will become true.
Someone, somewhere. I love you too.

Someone, somewhere. I thank you.
Not for all you have given me, but for allowing me to give you too.

Forbidden communication

being unable to communicate with the surroundings is hard to live with ...

its like you are in a glass jar, where everybody passes by ... but no-one shows any reaction to your movement ...

talking without anybody hearing you
moving without anybody watching you
being there ... without anybody noticing you ..........

---

as a little baby .. i stood there .. in the world of giants ... trying to copy their moves ... looking stupid from above ... but still ... i want to draw attention ... anybody .. please .. im over here ... ya ... all the way under ... but still no body reaches to me ...

after lots of failures ... i surrendered to the fact that im not one of them ... im a tiny "thing" walking and imitating their actions ... screaming with all my voice ... and still no one hears me ...

frustrated with no hope ...

---


need to communicate ... need to communicate ...

Dear Friend

Hey guys, here is another one....

Dear friend,

Every time we meet, we kiss hello
But how I feel please read below

I cant believe how far we became
I still don knw who to blame

I’hve been your friend for so much time
But now I wonder was it worth a dime

I see you around and I cant help but wonder
Wat brought us together, was it surrender ?

You talk about me behind my back
Worse, u have strangers keepin track

I miss our laughs and our cries
But tht’s not enough to forgive ur lies

I’ll leave you alone and that will teach you
To leave a friend who’s dying to reach you

I still love you and I really care
But, u hurt my dignity and I shall bare

Will we talk again? Don’t ask me
I thought we’d be friends till eternity

What good it does me to see you around
But not talk to you, are you sane and sound?

Again I see you and I kiss you hello
But I cant forget you left me hollow

Loving Lies

Making promises is lying and lying is being true to form.

I think if we told each other how we really feel, we'll discover that we're full of bullshit.

We'll discover that the hate we harbor for each other is only a supernova of all the mistakes we made and all the things we forgot to say to make it all just go away.

But we do it anyway. We smile and pretend & hope until all we are is this fragile bubble filled with a dark storm brewing over a teardrop of resentment that turned into a fatal flood breaking the bubble.

So what would happen? What would happen when the charade falls away and the imagery that doesn't make sense were stripped of its words and all that remained is a memory of what we once were?

Will you tell the truth and call me a liar to my face? Or shall we be polite and continue to ride out this storm to the edge of the world, against a hard rock and discover the greatest truth of all? The truth is we love the lies before the fall.

You shouldn't ask what I'm thinking.

Well here you go again…


See,

It’s not that I disagree with what you’re saying...
I just don’t care.

It’s not that I think I’m right and you’re wrong..
It just doesn’t matter.


It’s not that I’m not listening.
I am.
I listened the last time too.
And the time before that.

But even those times, I just didn’t care and it just didn’t matter.



And I’m okay with that. I’m okay with the way things are. I’m even okay with not caring.

Except…


I do. I do care. I care so much it's tearing me apart.

One's Random Thoughts (Like, Totally Random ...)

“Am I going too far?” she once asked. “Am I crossing a red line?” he’d once wonder. “Am I making sense?” they’d always think. There are always a few things she’ll never say out loud. There are always a few things you’ll never know. “Yes.” She’d answer herself. “Yes.” Again. “No.” breaking the chain of yeses.

We all talk to ourselves every once and a while. We always have thoughts running up and down in our minds. “I hate him.” It would shout out. “I hope she would leave me alone.” It steps in our heads. And sometimes, “Gimme Gimme,” the simplest, cheesiest, “Gimme,” thoughts would repeat themselves over and over every 10 seconds, “Gimme Gimme More.”

We never share our thoughts. We keep them down inside, deep down inside, where no one can find them, where no will suspect and look for them, where no one would understand them. We would never speak out. We would never tell our closet friends our darkest secrets. They’ll never understand, or at least, we would always like to think.

We never show our anger. We were always told to let your anger out. But that was always a lost cause on passive aggressive. The fire would stay in. It would never burns. Always inward. Always dying slowly. Always inside. We will never show our anger, and we will never say we’re angry, or at least, we would always like to think.

We always want to be happy. We always look for the smallest things that would give us the little escape from reality, but a slap from Ms. Reality would always wake us up. We think our happiness is in escaping from the torturing hell to the desired heaven. We know its not. Deep down inside. We know. We all want to be happy. We would always run after happiness. But we don’t know that we’re already happy. We just do not want to admit it, or at least, we would always like to think.

People will always come and go. Friends will hurt and heal us. We will feel left out. We will feel loved. We will feel angry. We will feel calm. People will always live and die. We will mourn. We will smile. We will laugh. We will cry. Friends will be the best and the worst. We will be touched. We will be ignored. People will always come and go, and our emotions won’t make it easy, or at least, we would always like to think.

Random things in her head. She smiles a little, cries a little, and misses him a little. Random things in your head. Anger in desperation for happiness. Random things in my head. But I will never say. I will never tell. I will keep them inside. They’re my secrets, and you will never know them. I will never tell, or at least, I would always like to think.

I will stop the confessions, confessions that never truly made sense to anyone except for me. I won’t call them confessions anymore. No more titles beginning with “Confessions Number X” anymore. This is not a new “era.” This is not a confession. Those are the random thoughts of a random guy you have come to know for a number of years now. Those are the jotting downs of thoughts of a random guy. After all, it’s the thought that counts.

it didnt change ...

سرى بي هاجس الذكرى على متن الخيال وهام

يرد الذهن لأيام تعدتني لياليها

اضم الطيف بعيوني واعانق ساري الأنسام

واردد نغمة الماضي على قلبي واغنيها

الا ياليل ياطيف الغريب اللي سهــر مــانــام

تذكر له على بعد المسافه عين يغليها

there in the darkness standing all alone ...
thinking of all the times that have passed ... with or without him .. how my life changed in the last period ... what happened ..? we where in perfect cohesion ..
life was bright ...
im feeling lonely ... do you feel that too?
im feeling desprete ... do you feel that too?
im feeling clueless ... did you feel that too?

disabled.

retarted.

BEHIND.

Everything I used to do stopped since ive shifted to this new mode...
is life all about change....?
how come ... ive changed and im not happy...?
isnt life all about happiness...?
nevertheless ... im still asking .... what happened ....?

.....

in a blink ... i found my self in a new place ... new faces ... NEW ME ....
well ..... here i am standing in the same old place .....
thinking of you .... or in other words...

ME ....

come to my window.

I open the window, in hopes of being free.
But just one look back, everything falls into pieces.

That’s the problem in living in a dream, its just hopes, desires, never occurring.

One of my favorite quotes is:

“If you greatly desire something, have the guts to stake everything on obtaining it”

I want it. I see it. I’m prepared to stake everything for it. Yet somehow I still don’t have it.

So for now. I’ll just look out the window, and hope to one day be there.

I open the window in hopes of being free.
And guess what? This time it happens smoothly without creases.

"Dear Professor" Poem

Dear professor,

Every time we see you, we say hello
But how we feel please read below

You think you are all that cuz u teach
But little do u knw about wat u preach

U come in the morning all smart and formal
But deep inside u are stupid and casual

You treat the students like they’r ur objects
Though ur job here is to be their subject

go treat urself with our tuition fee
for in hell you shall burn everlastingly

I hate your arrogance and your stupidity
For they always add to our daily melancholy

You mess up with our heads and burden our way
When will it be your turn I am waiting for that day

Sometimes I feel like hitting your face
But there is too much dirt on that space

You are so insignificant for my future life
Yet u find the joy in wasting my time

Just go away and join the army
For someone might want your head and that’s an irony

One day I will look back at wat u teach
And I will know more about wat u preach

Perfect Imperfections

I am imperfect
True as can be
Subsequently
No one can see
The perfection in me

We live in a world
As shallow as can be
Observes and judges
Based on weakness skin deep
From this harshness
No one can flee
One falls victim to the rules of majority
Veils of equality
Intimidated by ambiguities
Which enforced by formality
Builds and molds
A brand new human creed
One that suffices to social proceed

Social proceed according to race
Regardless of rights
Whatever the case
Social proceed according to worth
How much you spend
Determines the way
People respect you
With words said astray
Social proceed according to appearance
The casual clean look
Formal to the book
All must be followed with adherence

There are those who suffer
Because of their race
They are perceived
According to the color of their face
From this fate they cannot hide
And so they cry
Hoping that one day
The racist veil
Would make its way
Off their covered eyes

And there are those
Who are so lucky
Content with their wealth
They have all the money
A human heart may desire
Yet for more, they aspire

People who know them
View them with glee
The moment they part
That look turns to envy
As the rich start to shower their new friends with gifts, free
Oh how wonderful it must be
To live a life so care free
In this world we live in so perfectly
Even if that world didn’t comply
With the human heart’s infinite greed


I am one with many odd habits
I cannot stop them
I am an addict
I crack my back, I twist and turn, I twitch my eyes
To me it’s a habit
To the world
A retarded disguise
I’m flaky, unfocused
Unorganized
Like many I continuously try
To change all my faults
To satisfy
The many wandering eyes
That follow me every day of my life

I myself, have an objection
To the false meaning of perfection
A Dictionary defines it:
“Being without defect or blemish”
That is not a realistic definition
And we all know it
Perfection is not limited to those with no flaw
No mistakes, outside or in
It is those comfortable
With all their defects
And able to feel good
in their own skin

Why should we stand back
And let some old fart
Choose what makes each and every one of us
A perfect piece of art
Drawn and brought to life
By the greatest artist there ever was

Everyone is born with their own characteristics
Like an endless stack of different sticks
All unique in their own way
As long as from their straight state
They don’t stray
And so all of us can be perfect
Among our different arrays
Of races, faces and little tweaks

Tweaks unique to you and me
That fit ourselves perfectly
And that is how I justify
The attack on the unjustified divide
Between the perfect and imperfect side

All I know is I am me
Not you, not him
Just me
Purely
Beautifully
Perfectly
And that is how you can be
Perfect in your own way
Even if no one can see

Subsequently…

I am perfection
True as can be
But sadly
No one will see this perfection but me

***

Regardless,
I am happy
:)

~Poem by Omar Alouba~

I sometimes hate her.

“Where are you going?” She asked.
“None of your business. I’m just going away, I’m running away for a while. I need to escape.” She said frustrated.
“Escape? Where? How?”
“Just leave me alone!”

And so she escaped. If only for a while.

“Come back! You’ve been gone for too long!” She said in a panic.
She replied “What…?” like waking up from a dream.
“Its 2am you’ve escaped for too long. You have X to do, Y is due in the morning, and the memo for meeting Z.”
“SHIT! I’ve got XYZ to do!” she said to herself.

She knew she should have heard to the ms.reality voice in her head, after all it tried to warn her.

We all have ms.reality constantly asking where we will escape too. How we will do it, because it just seems impossible with all that’s happening around. What ms.reality doesn’t understand is that sometimes you just have to conveniently escape to keep ms.reality alive. Or else you’ll just punch the living hell out of her. Or is it punch yourself?

Either way. Happy escaping. The weekend is nearly over. Said like a true ms.reality.

Will I be Popular?

She sat thinking on her bed; not realizing her thoughts took her far. They took her to a dark place, nightmares of her childhood, fears that came from them, and vulnerability of her former 8 year old self.

Do any of us really get over our childhood dreams?

If you go back and remember what your 12-year-old self expected you to be today, what do you think he/she would say?

Scenario 1: YAY! Oh my God! You’re totally so cool! I love how I turned out to be!

Scenario 2: who are you? Have we met? weird expression on face

Scenario 3: Wow! I never thought you’d turn out this way but I like. Not bad!

Scenario 4: Are you kidding me! THIS IS HOW I BECOME! (not in a good way)

As young teenagers we always looked forward to how we would become. Why not look back and see what we have become is really what we wanted to become? Keep ourselves in check. Be proud of who we are today. Let our 12-year-old self give us a pat on the back for a job well done on the few years that have passed.

If you don’t find a pat in the back, remember, you’re still breathing, there’s still time to change. Pat on the back for realizing that.