Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Wondering around my head..


rationale might be the way we all were thought to think... 1+1=2!!

but sometimes logic doesn't make any sense.. just close your eyes and follow...

I would reach a point where I can surrender to it.. and make it take me with it where ever it wants..

some people may call it naive... some might call it cliche...

I would call it reality.. just close your eyes .. and let it lead you..


disclaimer: this is a final warning, this blog and all its contributors are not responsible of your wasted time following logic... and what makes sense more !!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Friendship woe!


I have lost a friend
I feel relived yet low
you lost that friend
Only because you said no


I had to do it
Because I couldn’t take it anymore
Yet I miss something,
The friend that I adored


But if doing the wrong thing, made him stay
And doing the right thing, drove him away
Where does that leave you, a foe? A friend?
Or just a stupid girl, who should have never stepped his way


I wonder if I was a friend to him
More than he was a friend to you
Yes, he said I was one of his trusted friends
Yet you couldn’t say that about him and you


So probably we are not friends
But we held each others company
I know almost everything about him
And he knows nothing about you, not worth a penny


Some things are better to let go
What was never fine, couldn’t get better anymore
He was never a friend you should by now know
Why mourn a loss that wasn’t meant to be your


I have lost “someone’s” company
Just because I said no
Have I done the right thing? Yes I know!
Do I miss him? Not anymore, NO!
"If i ever had a conversation with myself
it would be like so
one part of me would be strong and ready to move on
one part would be soft and sad and try not to let go!"

Monday, July 28, 2008

looking around...


5 months have passed .. and change occurred ..
no we cant go back .. nor cant we forget...

each blink shows magic .. each direction shows glow ..
each person has perception .. each idea must flow ..

struggling with pictures floating in my head .. wondered around the blog for a while .. but at last here I end ...

3 months have passed .. and change occurred ..

our friends are leaving .. and were still here stuck ..
one night whe they left us .. the place was really cold ..

it was me n hampaka (wutever :p) sitting there on there couch ..
the place was life less ... and the breath became ice ..

well like every thing else .. life keeps going on .. and new adventures await us .. and new chapters are..

1 minute passed by .. and hibernation ends now .. and we summon you back .. Our friends we adore you ......................
but life keeps going on ..

:)

Monday, February 25, 2008

...miss..love..want...

u miss?... I miss...
u love?... I love...
u want?... I want...

missing so many things in life... especially those that we love...
missing spending time with friends... missing being with them...
missing family and their stories... missing your childhood...
missing cousins and sleepovers... but missing you the most...

loving everything around you... loving my family...
loving my friends... loving spending time with him and her...
loving the thought of the future... loving the remembrance of the past...
loving the people around me... loving every aspect in life...
loving the smile of a child... but loving you is what kills me the most...

wanting my life back... wanting my past to come...
wanting my childhood stories... wanting my silly jokes...
wanting the smile that's gone... wanting the happy moments
wanting to be with friends... wanting to be with family...
wanting the future... but wanting you back tops it all...

Saturday, February 23, 2008

I'LL SHOW YOU A REAL APPLIED REGRESSION ANALYSIS



While I try to find out if we're correlated positively, or whether our relationship is linear , I find that you are testing me to a critical point. And there I used to think that you were normally distributing me.

Try not to sum the squares of errors, and think of the least squares. Since when did you have to question your hypothesis to find out whether we were linear or not. So what happens when you find the t value? and what if my t-critical value is less than your t-value? will you reject me? I'm scared that you might have to additionally test our fit by conducting an f-statistic, because you might find an SSE ( an error sum of squares)

Oh so you're only 95% confident? This confidence interval is not that important, what's important is the 0.05 significance value- Yes it's significant ...because with this significance, you get your degrees of freedom..

See now that you forward selected, and really looked backward just to find what's best.. you find that my R^2 value is high, and that my Cp is low.. This means that i'm good enough of a variable to consider...

You better not test me again.. because I'm a full, not a reduced model.

Monday, February 18, 2008

its not that bad....


احسك للحزن مخلوق ... ولا ينفع معاك اي شي ..

ياقلبي اهدا وروق .. عطني احساس انك حي ..

ياقلبي ريح اعصابك .. كذا طبع الزمن قاسي ..


"dont be sad"....

whats the point of those moments you spend ....

and after all that depression, u realize that ur not the only one HERE !!....

---

we all succeed, we all lose,
and with each down there is an up ^
dont ever lose that spirit ... cuz eventually you'll get that smile back ...

i myself didnt think that it will turn out to be this way ...

- Five Things Life taught me :
1- EXPECT the UNEXPECTED .. * seriously ! *
2- Perfection doesn't EXISTS .. * So true ! *
3- You are Your Only Best Friend .. * I guess **** agree's with me ! *
4- Things never last .. * They Die ? don't They ? *
5- Drama Sucks ~ unless it is a fictional story.. * Shakespeare's specialty !*
(my cousin)

at the end always say ... keep ur smile on ... n thank god ..

Random Thoughts ...


Good evening dear bloggers, Gossip Moe here, your one and only source to random thoughts about Life. You will be the first to know the hot gossip about Life and her friends, the latest drama in our gossip-giver Life. Oh, Life. You are so entertaining. I love you. Careful all, you never know when Life might strike you by her presence, and if you are, believe me, I will be the first to report.

It would take a lot of time for you to understand Life. It might seem bitchy. It might seem nice. Call me naive, or call me pure hearted for thinking this. Love me on the outside. Hate me on the inside. Do you think I care? Yes, I do, but I do not care about you. Yes, I do care. I care about you. Careful now, if you are smart enough, you will figure out which "you" fits your category best.

"As for me, I'm happy where I am. I just want to be with you."

XOXO,

Gossip Moe ;)

PS: Yes, this is the randomness in my head right now. Do you like? :P

Saturday, February 9, 2008

wishing...


it really doesn't matter...
the way we act.
the way we look.
the way we communicate.

we're all the same.

we all hope...
we all yearn, pray and deeply desire....

we close our eyes tightly,
clench our fists,
start thinking very hard...

just like we did when we were younger.

we hope, we yearn, we desire...
that when we open our eyes...
it will all come true.

because after all,
you and me...
we're not so different...

Saturday, January 26, 2008

نحن و البحر


متى نرسا على برٍ
فلقد تعبنا من الأمواج

ضاق بكبره بحر
وزاد به الأۥجاج

ما صُنع البحر إلا لغامرٍ
و على ركوبه كنا لجاج

ما خلقنا إلا لنصرٍ
وهمُّ البحر ما زادنا إلا إبتهاج

____

في حدِّ سودة الطريق نور
وللنور نتسابق بلهفةٍ و نهيج

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

حـــــســــــن


in the middle of trouble, he comes with his laugh, he is the most concerned about his child, whereas he laughs.... he knows hes in trouble, but that he wont show... situation is always with him under control ... the master of pranks .... who faces real life .... the person i know ... that knows who he is ...

the thing i love about him, being simple with life... no perfection... no intention .... just all he can give ... never tired never restless.. you cant see inside ... hes always there helping not showing any pride...


after these years of brotherhood, i could see in his eye's .... he might be in pain, but that no one realize... looks cool, shows calmness, his wisdom leads him into your heart....

thought me how superman acts in action ...

"ايه اكثر اسماء العرب تحمل معاني اسماءها "

may allah keep our brotherhood

(image taken by my cousin)

Sunday, January 13, 2008

GIMME GIMME MORE

It's Subai bitch!

I see you...
And I just wanna say...
hehe...

Everytime they put this song on
Just wanna see Mahmeed on the pole
Public display of his obsession
Feels like no one else in the room (but him)

He can get down like there's no one around
We keep on watchin (keep on watchin')
He keep on rockin' (rockin')

Visions are flashing while he's dirty dancing
We keep on watching (keep on watchin')
He keep on rockin' (rockin')
Feels like Oluba's saying:

Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more

Center of Attention ('tension)
Even in the lounge with W.B.*
You got us in a crazy position (yeah)
If we weren't Muslim (then)
You'd get our permission (so)

Only get down when there's no one around
You keep on rockin' (keep on rockin')
We keep on watchin' (watchin')

Visions are flashing while he's dirty dancing
We keep on watching (keep on watchin')
He keep on rockin' (rockin')
Feels like Olouba's saying:

Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more

(...etc...)

Beat you didn't see this one comin'
The incredible Subai
The legendary Mr. Moe Brit, haha
And the unstoppable Omar
Ha, you gonna have to block me
'Cause I ain't going no where, haha
(More)


http://www.completealbumlyrics.com/lyric/131788/Britney+Spears+-+Gimme+More.html

*W.B. (aka White Bitch, aka my number one fan, lol)

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Shut up and Listen!

I’m not big of a writer and I don’t really enjoy writing. I have tried journaling my thoughts and feelings since I was going through a difficult time in my life for the past year. I spend most of my time talking and never thought about writing. I found out that it is so much easier to write what I think about rather than verbalizing it.

When I think (I usually don’t think) about things the first thing that comes to my mind is that god gave us two ears, two eyes, and two hands because he wants us to observe more, to listen more and to act more instead of talking and probably that’s why we only have one mouth.. to talk less..

My point is that we should all as human beings work together to help each other. I lost friends because I wasn’t there for them and never actually knew what was wrong. Now I know why! Because I didn’t listen to them, I didn’t notice the changes in their behaviors. LISTEN more to your friends. OBSERVE everything around you because there will always be a moment that you will say “if I paid more attention!” “If I listened to what s/he had to say!” Be there for the person who needs you!

Monday, January 7, 2008

.. Million Faces in a Crowd ..

Salam everyone,

When it comes to writing, we are enemies. I'm more of a reader..
A couple of friends told me before: "you know, you should write something"..
to my absolute shock (now) my reaction was a laugh, tending to be a hysterical one rather than being a "yeah yeah inshalla" kinda laugh..

Why you ask? Well, I couldn't see myself writing anything. I have never been able to express myself at all. This mostly resulted in getting my personality misunderstood by others, including many people here I consider my friends.

Then again, writing is an art, and well, I suck at that honestly. But then again, I never "really" gave it a chance.

Those two reasons are why this topic - as you may have noticed - "suck" when it comes to the way it was written.

So, I was reading this blog, started with title "It's the thought that counts" .. and skimmed through the topics. From everything written here, one particular thing made me think, the title.

Blog creator, I have no idea if this was intentional, but I find the title very brilliant. It gives a definition to this blog, which ironically means that this blog is undefined (accepts everything), and that exactly what made me write today.

I've heard something today, that kept rolling over and over in my head, and I cant seem to shake it off. Now this kind of thing happens to me alot, but that suddenly collided with "It's the thought that counts". So I've decided to take that in a very literal meaning and post what I've heard.

I'll leave you with these words..
and even though i lost her
she never looked so beautiful from up here
million faces in a crowd
you will always shine them out
she never looked so beautiful from down here
living illusions darling
i can't face the truth
seeing the dream of you and me
but it's not meant to be
another disaster
my heart has been shattered again
it's two a.m. in the morning
and i'm crying now, crying now
lying in my bed
million faces in a crowd
you were always shining out
she never looked so beautiful from down here ~Jc Chassez

Sunday, January 6, 2008

The Pancake Stack



A wise young Sco222ish gurl once asked me in an orientation counselor interview:


"In a stack of 10 pancakes, which one would you be?" (1 being the bottom of the stack)


The first answer that comes to most people's minds is of course number 10: the top of the stack , the leader of the bunch, the HEAD pancake! But after seconds of realistic thought one comes to the obvious conclusion that might not be where they really are in life's stack of pancakes, as it is only logical that not everyone is born a leader (or is destined to lead for that matter). Even if he/she is a proud Carnegie Mellon graduate.


For me, I knew I wasn't a leader, not that I couldn't be, rather I didn't want to be. On the other hand I also knew I wasn't meant to be on the bottom of the stack, not that it was something to be ashamed of (as Ayman wisely pointed out to me, the pancake on the bottom of the stack is the one holding the rest of the pancakes up so they can stand tall).


That said, I knew where I stood among the 10 pancakes standing in the column that only each and every one of them can understand. I was number 5! (NO! not the Chanel fragrance MoMo!) Not necessarily "the middle" but as close as I can be to it. This was because, at the time, I claimed that being a leader was not for me, neither was being the guy at the bottom taking everyone's crap. I stated, during the interview, that being in the middle allowed me to take somma* of the responsibility while being able to delegate some of that responsibility to people below me if the pressure was too much.


Looking back, I was wrong. As the fall semester of 2007 unraveled I realised I don't like people telling me what to do, let alone being responsible for anyone else! Interaction with people on the whole was a very sensitive thing with me. I'm not anti-social but not necessarily the most social person in the world. I love people, not necessarily as human beings, rather as "Wii-motes". I can interact and have fun with it whenever I want and give it new batteries whenever it's out. I don't like to be part of the people rather a seperate entity that jumps in whenever it is needed.


So after careful and time wasting analysis (during a wonderful and looong stay in the bathroom) I came to the conclusion that I'm not on the top of the stack for I choose not to be a leader. I am not on the bottom of the stack as I am not one that likes to be told what to do. Therefore, I am the syrup!


I am on the side. I am not held responsible for other people's actions but I am held accountable for the mistakes I make. I am not part of the organization of people I am "with" rather I compliment them. I don't control where I stand on the table of life, as there is a higher being that has somewhat determined where that place will be. But by whichever pancake stack I stand next to, I am sure to provide the support and sweetness ;) that stack needs.


That was my take on where I stand within the pancake stack. Where do you?






Saturday, January 5, 2008

I have not evolved!

I am a dark skinned arab girl that has evolved from living in a tent raising sheep and camels.
That being said, I hate the cold, I cant tolerate it in any way or form.

I do enjoy the cold breeze on my face from time to time, but not a freezing breeze.
I don't like my stomach being angry due to a chill (0 degrees celsius and below).

I don't enjoy the sniffles, cough or dryness.
I don't enjoy the cold feet, fingers and nose.

I am after all a dark skinned arab girl who evolved from living in a tent raising sheep and camels.
May I add... in the hot weather with a hot breeze carrying grains of sand...

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

He walks into the dark room. It’s hard to see anything other than his shadow as it spans the floor. He shuts the door, careful not to let the light creep in. She pays no attention to him. But standing by the window starring at the rain, she grabs a quick glance at him from the corner of her eye.

Although she had been expecting him, she had secretly hoped he wouldn’t come. But at the end of the day, he was her only friend. And as a good friend, he not only listens to her, but offers her advice, and believes in her when she doesn’t want to believe in herself.

“Have you come to tell me ‘I told you so’?”

He puts his hands in his pockets and slowly takes a few steps towards her. He allows his head to drop and shake in disappointment, then lifts it up, tilts to the side and gives out a soft sigh. “I‘m just here to help.”

She tries hard to hold back the tears, but as hard as that was to do, it was harder to accept the fact that he did indeed tell her so. As much as she hated to admit it, he was always right. No matter how hard she tried to prove him wrong, she always ended up alone, empty…and wrong.

“We met in the rain, much like this one; remember?”

“Vaguely,” she lied. Truth was she remembered that evening as if it were yesterday. It was the first night that she felt helpless. The first time she had cut herself. Her first encounter with him. She was hurt, on the ledge of desperation, and in need of a shoulder to lean on. And there he was. Without uttering a single word, he sat beside her on the bench. As he gazed deep into her eyes, all the pain and loneliness she had felt, she saw in his eyes. And it was on the night at the park, that she shared a darkness in her with someone who knew how she felt - not just pretended like he knew, but truly felt her desperation.

She let him into her heart.

“No one will ever understand you like I do.”

She didn’t reply, but as her eyes twitched and she let a cigarette, she remembered that same night on the bench. They had talked about life, of love, boredom, lessons, dreams, pain and relief. Although he seemed dark and cynical, he was certainly knowledgeable. He always had the answers to everything.

“I‘m just so tired!” she admits as she quickly wipes a tear from her eyes.

He takes a few steps closer to her and places his hand on her shoulder as he softly whispers into her ears, “I know.” Placing both hands on each of her shoulders, he looks at her, “Why is it so hard for you to do the right thing?”

“Because it’s hard!” She exclaims.

“You know the right thing to do is always the hardest thing. You just have to have faith. Why do you keep putting yourself in the same situation? Take control of your life. Take a stand. Do what needs to be done.”

She’s still silent, starring at the rain through the window. A tear runs down her cheek.
He sits down at a table. “Let me help you.”

She turns around and heads towards the table where he sits. She grabs a chair on which the moonlight shines down upon, and sits in front of him. “Here…consider it a gift,” he says.
She lights another cigarette and takes a deep puff. As he gets up and walks towards the window, she stares at the table and what lies on it. He’s always been there for her, a good friend. Why stop trusting him now?

“You always believe in me when no one else does.”

She looks at him as he says, “that‘s what friends are for.” And slowly she places her cigarette on the ashtray.

A loud bang goes off and her body collapses on the table as blood from her head drips all over the table.

He says nothing. Does nothing. Lights a cigarette and expresses a cheeky smile as he passes her body and heads towards the door. “You know why they call me the Devil?” he asks rhetorically. “Because if you got things the wrong way around, Life Isn‘t Very Exciting Dear.”

He leaves…

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Its Another New Year...

A new year, with new hopes, new dreams, new outlooks…

I always wonder why as sane human beings with very intellectual minds (some of our race at least) always act happy and cheer when the clock hits 12 on the first day of every year. Why?

Is it because we’re happy that another disastrous year went by? If it was a happy year, why are we cheering because it ended?

Is it because we celebrate the many new clean slate days we’ve been offered with a new year? Or are we screaming “Happy New Year” in the hopes of it really being a happy one?

Are we partying because it’s a chance to party and scream without judgment? Or are we joining the crowd because that’s what the majority does?

Are we happy because its time to renew the resolutions we forget about the next day? (but really this time we may stick to!) Or because it’s a new year, meaning new experiences, new hopeful paths?

No matter why we’re celebrating, or screaming, or cheering, or lack of the aforementioned, may this year be THE YEAR.

Yes the year where you get the thing you’ve been wanting for so long, whether it’s a friend, or a lover, or a brother, or another…

Yes the year where you get what you want whether it’s a job, or a bachelors degree, or a driving license, or a wedding, or a business…

Yes the year where you realize what you are worth, what you have become and be happy for it. Realize your beauty, your confidence and your charm and smile because of it.

Yes the year you realize your potential, your intellect, your dreams and actually go for it.

This is your year, believe it.
This is your year, live it.
This is your year, own it.
Because you know there will always be next year to start over (Inshalla).

May this be the year you remember and laugh about when you're 80.

Happy New Year with happy new thoughts, because it’s the thought that counts…

2008

Eight! Bonsoir! Or maybe bonjour! I know you will not be able read this, but I hope you are fine. I know you are because you are facing the Eiffel Tower, smiling, happy, not thinking of anything else, and enjoying the moment. So, bonsoir, or maybe bonjour, enjoy your life my friend, and hopefully, I will join you next year.

Seven! Seven years since you left; has it been this long? I still miss you, but I moved on. I will always remember you, but I moved on. I learn from the mistakes you have done, heal from the scars you have left, live by the lessons you taught, and care for the people you cared about, but I will move on. I hope I am making you proud as you look down at me, but I have to move on.

Six! Most people say you're loud, and you admit that you are. Most people say you're their sunshine, and you love the color yellow. Most people respect what you have become and that is what you longed for. Most people want to hear you sing, and you love to sing, but you still will not sing. I love the loud one, and the yellow sunshine. I love Y, and I love W.

Five! Orange is your favorite color. You have an African American gangster living inside of you. Those are just a few things I know about you. You play the piano. You want to runaway to anywhere but here. Those are just a few things I know about you. You have high dreams, and you long to achieve them. You are strong and independent. Those are just a few things I know about you. You think Peach is a whore, and you love Mario Party like I do. Those are a few things I know about you.

Four! Spotted: Loud laughs with a headscarf! I have heard those laughs before. I have made fun of those laughs too. What could it be this time around? Did she reenact something again? Did she finally catch him dancing on tape? Was it just a joke? Or maybe she just called her brother "hot" again. Careful you, the "Master of GAYME" can become the student in a breeze. Until then, keep laughing. It reminds me of the few pure-hearted people left in this world. Until next time, you know you love me, XOXO, gossip you-know-who.

Three! "It's Britney, B*tch." Keep dancing because it will always make you happy. "Get Back!" Keep singing because you have a beautiful voice. "You Want A Piece Of Me" Stay the way you are, imperfect, because you are perfect that way. "Got You On My Radar" You know will never leave my radar, you sexy thing! "I Am Cold As Fire, Baby, Hot As Ice." And since she'll always make our friendship more fun than it already is, let's keep singing "Gimme Gimme More."

Two! Previously on "Grey's Anatomy," we need to bond soon. We have not done that in a long time. Previously on "Desperate Housewives," I cannot wait to see you graduate because I know that will make you happy. Previously on "Ugly Betty," I will be sad to see you go. I wonder how it will be after graduation. I wonder if we will still be in touch. Previously on "Lost," whatever the outcome might be after graduation, we will stay friends. Previously on "Heroes," we will discuss all of these things, and then some. We will bond soon. Previously on "Me," I personally cannot wait for our Amazing Race. We will have so much fun doing it. Previously on "You," come back to Doha already!

One! Or should I say three? Without you, I would not be where I am. Without you, I would not know how to challenge the new obstacles. Without you, I would not have anyone to pick on and care about. Without all of you, I would not have understood the meaning of a family. I think I will say three. Not one. Not ever.

"Happy New Year," the world shouts as time hits 00:00 indicating the end of a year celebrating the begging of another year, another 366 days, another 8,784 hours, another 527,040 minutes, and another, oh, do I have to count the seconds? "Happy New Year," I would shout, but I will not for the mere reason that I do not celebrate new years. And whether you read this or not, whether you are here or not, I just want you know that you have affected my life.

2008 is here, and it's going to be a memorable year.