One's Random Thoughts (Like, Totally Random ...)

“Am I going too far?” she once asked. “Am I crossing a red line?” he’d once wonder. “Am I making sense?” they’d always think. There are always a few things she’ll never say out loud. There are always a few things you’ll never know. “Yes.” She’d answer herself. “Yes.” Again. “No.” breaking the chain of yeses.

We all talk to ourselves every once and a while. We always have thoughts running up and down in our minds. “I hate him.” It would shout out. “I hope she would leave me alone.” It steps in our heads. And sometimes, “Gimme Gimme,” the simplest, cheesiest, “Gimme,” thoughts would repeat themselves over and over every 10 seconds, “Gimme Gimme More.”

We never share our thoughts. We keep them down inside, deep down inside, where no one can find them, where no will suspect and look for them, where no one would understand them. We would never speak out. We would never tell our closet friends our darkest secrets. They’ll never understand, or at least, we would always like to think.

We never show our anger. We were always told to let your anger out. But that was always a lost cause on passive aggressive. The fire would stay in. It would never burns. Always inward. Always dying slowly. Always inside. We will never show our anger, and we will never say we’re angry, or at least, we would always like to think.

We always want to be happy. We always look for the smallest things that would give us the little escape from reality, but a slap from Ms. Reality would always wake us up. We think our happiness is in escaping from the torturing hell to the desired heaven. We know its not. Deep down inside. We know. We all want to be happy. We would always run after happiness. But we don’t know that we’re already happy. We just do not want to admit it, or at least, we would always like to think.

People will always come and go. Friends will hurt and heal us. We will feel left out. We will feel loved. We will feel angry. We will feel calm. People will always live and die. We will mourn. We will smile. We will laugh. We will cry. Friends will be the best and the worst. We will be touched. We will be ignored. People will always come and go, and our emotions won’t make it easy, or at least, we would always like to think.

Random things in her head. She smiles a little, cries a little, and misses him a little. Random things in your head. Anger in desperation for happiness. Random things in my head. But I will never say. I will never tell. I will keep them inside. They’re my secrets, and you will never know them. I will never tell, or at least, I would always like to think.

I will stop the confessions, confessions that never truly made sense to anyone except for me. I won’t call them confessions anymore. No more titles beginning with “Confessions Number X” anymore. This is not a new “era.” This is not a confession. Those are the random thoughts of a random guy you have come to know for a number of years now. Those are the jotting downs of thoughts of a random guy. After all, it’s the thought that counts.