...It's the thought that counts...

Guess The Item

2010-01-19T09:22:00.005+03:00

I don’t like it when those greasy handed bastards suffocate me with their stressed-out-of-my-first-real-client-meeting hands. Don’t they know where I am from! Ya ya good, look at me for a split second and then shove in your pocket with your forsaken sharp car keys (do you even know who I belong to?) Is it ok for me to be scared? From the destination I finally rest in? Will I be in a comfortable quite house, where no child will take me, brake my back and shower me with saliva as he/she/it tries to digest pieces of me before mom comes to take me out of that retched mouth? Or will I end up in the garbage with all the other things that actually belong there. God I miss my friends, my ever so perfectly, colorful, uniform not-so-boring presentation of an ever-so-boring world. Take me back, to that voice I hear, muffled surely, but still there. I forgive you Giorgina Rollete for abandoning me, giving me away to this freak, who for some reason can’t stop fidgeting. Stop it!

Unplanned Escape

2009-12-15T22:21:00.003+03:00

I'm not much of a writer, but I'd like to make a contribution to keep the blog going. :)

In attempt of escaping a busy day of A to Z's, and a huge bulk of previous encounters that have been clouding her very weak chest, she walked over to her favorite spot. A smile of relief was drawn on her face as soon as she approached that bench. Even though the wood was soaked wet and the grass had that distinctive winter smell, that of rain accumulation and long absence of the sun, she was taking a deep breath in to inhale the smell as if it was an odor of fresh cut grass on a summer day. Her smile, was that of an innocent soul, a smile that had her eyelids almost meet. A smile that would make you certainly forget your worries, but only seemed to hide hers. She's been carrying around a book, for the past three days. The bookmark was sticking out to mark the final chapter. With only one chapter left, this escape was planned to be one into a happy ending. A happy ending that was written for a fictional character, not for her, she was certainly aware. Nevertheless, she cherished the places that writer took her to with his words. But today wasn't the day, her heavy heart made it hard to open up the pages of that book. And so, she sat on the soaked bench and placed the book right next to her. The tall tree behind her offered her a sense of protection and the nice breeze wishwashing through the tree branches took her to a different escape. An escape that was unplanned, certainly not at that hour of the day. A few long minutes of sleep it was.

Halo and Horn Theory

2009-11-22T14:47:00.009+03:00

Arab = Aggressive
Muslim = Terrorist
Gulf-Local = Lazy/Rich
Gamer = No-life
Asian = Stupid
White = Boss
Blonde = Dumb
ETC....

How many of us have fallen victims of the stereotype. We see people who ignorantly condemn all, for the acts of a few. This "cycle of hate" has been around for ages, fed by people's innermost evil; Jealousy, greed, and lack of insight. Those are but a few of the driving forces of stereotyping.

However, we should ask ourselves a simple question; what have we done to mitigate the ripple effect of stereotyping? Most likely, not a single thing, as most people find it easier to ignore than to fight back, which brings us back to square one.

A while back I came across a theory which was both interesting and humorous. It is called the "halo and horn theory" related to the halo/horn effect (Google it). It is a study conducted on a large body of people who fall into stereotype categories. Surprisingly, the results have proven that people usually adopt the stereotype rather than fight it.

Skipping all the technicalities of the study, If someone puts horns over your head, he would interact with you according to the stereotype, which makes you upset, and with time making you reach a point where you wouldn't care anymore, falling into that exact stereotype you have been avoiding, whether a lazy worker, being always late, irresponsible or an ignorant individual.

The bottom-line is, how can we resist the stereotype?

How many times have you left an impression on people that made them say, "Oh, i didn't know (people like you*) (aren't like that*) "*Insert stereotype category in both places". Whether it was your wits, a unique talent you possess or your thoughts and ideas on subjects, they are key to replace the horns people force on your head to halos.

With time, such stereotypes will vanish, leaving only positive thoughts in the minds of others, paving the way to eradicating stereotypes from our societies. Be a positive driver, and leave an impression that astonishes people, resulting in a bright halo above your head.

In the end, Halos shine, illuminating our surroundings, and possibly revealing new opportunities in our lives. ( BTW, i'm not referring to the halo in space that is made to kill all living things in the universe.. ;) for the geeks in here "Not stereotyping..")

Wave bye bye to your weaknesses

2009-11-22T00:01:00.010+03:00

Screw your weaknesses! they don't exist.

They only do because you had to live with them for 12 years and ( for some people 4 more years). You experienced failure and you saw ugly parts of the production of your brain that you didn't want to know were there! (Ah crap i'm bad with speeches, I'm terrible at regression! .. wow i'm bad at writing AND calculating!)

It's so easy to feel incompetent and stupid, only because you were kind of forced to pass and excel things you didn't even like, but had to,because everyone around you seems fine. It's time to let go of that. If you're good at something, you're meant to be that, and do that, and yeh mix it up a little and challenge yourself, but just remember to celebrate your capabilities! I might be late in realizing that you are supposed to focus on your strengths, but i can't explain what a joy it is to finally realize i don't have to be good at different things, and can finally believe that i'm ..well...not stupid!!

Tonight i'm celebrating my traits.

A matter of love and future.

2009-11-21T21:52:00.004+03:00

It was a night like any other, but it was her that felt different. Tonight she was a supernova that’s about to burst with an explosion so bright it would light up the night for years to come. Like a supernova she wanted to expel her insides, all her emotions and feelings that she knew if put into words would never describe the way she felt. If ever she tried to explain the way she felt the remnants of her words would leave a shockwave behind of all those who heard it, for not anyone could understand or believe what she was trying to express.

Day after day she would wish for a change, a spark to ignite the luminosity she knew she radiated day to day – but not to its fullest extent. Day after day whether rainbows or butterflies, sandstorms or cloudy days, plain or boring days those subtle changes, big to some, were not enough to entice her spirit, that is until she met him.

He was different, yet familiar. His words echoed through her head as she tried to assess the truth behind them, she wasn’t to be taken as a fool, after all this was a matter of ever after, and she was determined that her ever after be a happy one. One filled with laughter and love, trust and honesty, care and support, and children, definitely children. With laughter she would always appreciate what she has been given when she sees those who don’t laugh. Love to always have a reason to wake up in the morning. Trust to never worry again, and thereby not getting wrinkles and looking old too fast. Honesty for peace of mind and not keep track of what to say or examine every word being said to her. Care so that when her life comes to an end she can feel the achievement for caring for someone else as that’s what you remember the most. Support, because even though she may be strong, she’s vulnerable sometimes and needs someone to brush up her wings so she could fly. And last but not least children because they’re the joy of life, and she couldn’t help but smile around them, their innocence, the funny things they say, and being able to live through life all over again through them, but, yes there seems to always be a but in life, none of this would be possible without him, and now he might just be here.

He was the sun to which every sunflower would follow, would she be just another sunflower in a never-ending meadow? Or would she be the camouflaged yellow rose in the meadow that needs the sun but can face any direction she wanted? Yes, a yellow rose showing his affection would be a perfect sign for her, but how would he know that’s what she needed? She tossed and turned for nights, every part of her was begging for her ‘yes’ to his proposal, but why? Why would she feel this way after a few phone calls and meetings? Did she really find her soul mate? She did feel complete, and powerful is this the power Zeus feared when splitting up soul mates, the power of thinking that anything is possible with them by your side? Yes, its him, how can it not be if he makes her feel things so powerful that it could light up a night for many years to come.

She finally did say yes and that’s why she felt different on this night, she finally burst with joy and happiness, this was the beginning of her happily ever after with the love of her life.

Why are you trying so hard to be so different?

2009-11-21T00:28:00.004+03:00

It really bugs me when people go above and beyond to prove they are different! I mean we all have our unique qualities and differences, and some of us do actually have REALLY different tastes than what mainstream media dictates, but what's annoying are those people who PURPOSELY force differences to just be different. For example, the won't listen to "pop" music because its "gay" and would rather listen to a garage+trance band that is practically tone deaf just to be different, or say they're into archaeology (random I know) just because many people wouldn't say that, or they wouldn't 'lower' themselves to watch stupid reality shows because they're above and beyond that, the list goes on...

One very evident example here is "Anime" and the love for "Japan". A few years ago the amount of people that liked anime and Japanese culture could probably be counted on one hand, make that one finger. Today, EVERYONE is into Anime and they're all "different" because they're basking in this different culture, and different genre of shows. Its NOT different when everybody is doing it, its mainstream now. You're not different, you're the same. You were different at some point if you were really one of the beginning few that were counted as the one finger and everyone had no idea what you're talking about when you said "I watch anime," but now I'm sorry to break the news to you but you're not different anymore. (I feel that way about superman, suddenly everyone is into him? but lets not go there :( ...)

We are all different, so stop trying so hard to be different, enjoy some mainstream and popular shows,music, books, clothes, etc... because it's really so much more fun when you can actually have a conversation about the things you like. I'm not saying you have to enjoy everything that everybody else likes but try it some time. I'm also not saying that you shouldn't like anything weird or awkward to everyone else because maybe you'll get someone into it someday (hope).

Anyways just wanted to get that off my chest. I feel much better now. You can stop reading now and google something weird like "bonzai kittens" and insert it into a conversation next time and be seen as weird and different. :p

How long before you get back to reality?

2009-02-10T19:23:00.003+03:00

Okay, so its been a really long time since this blog has thoughts added to it but that is definetly not the point of this blog. I have these thoughts and you know how sometimes you are just simply sure of something its the same this time except its not absolutely solid and i need it to be becuase its for a friend.

So she has the usual incomplete love story where they were together for sometime and it was beautiful and then one day suddenly he e-mails her ( OMG ! ) saying "Thank You" for all that they had and hopes that she will find someone better to spend the rest of her life with! ( WTF??? ) They still keep talking like nothing had happened for you know how long .... 1 day ... 24 hours and just like that within 48 hours he detached himself from her and all that they had for so long. Fine, typical story and trust me that's not the problem. So not all love stories necessarily work out right? okay fine so this didn't? He moved on, is fine now, flirts with other girls and hardly treats her like she exists. Okay, he broke up with her so its obvious. Is that the problem? No! Its the Girl! She just can't get over it! I mean i know its going to be hard and this is her first love and yeah all that lovey-dovey stuff happened but c'mon now the relationship was less than a whole semester, or a little more than that but the point is given that she wasn't even 18 when this happened she hardly saw any of it! I mean its not the end of the world!

Okay so don't get me wrong but its been like what more than 1 year now and its about time she got over it! He obviously got over it and is actually doing hwat he is supposed to be doing at this point of time, study, hang out with friends, watch movies, socialize everything that a normal person would do. But all she can do is sulk about it and whine that "i didn't see him today!" or "Oh lets go look for him c'mon!" or "Omg i hate you for making me think about him!" or at the least mention of something bad about him "HEYYYYYY! Don't say that about him. He is not bad! He is so cute! You have no right to say that! " :O Hello focus here we probably didn't say anything but something like " Omg he is so freaky , he always wears that same shirt! " And then there are times when she does see him. At first she's looking all around for him and then when she sees that he is just ahead she starts fidgeting and makes a big commotion which makes him aware of her approach and then just as she hopes for a smile and a "Hi" from him, she sees the otehr person beside him who happens to be any random girl he is talking to, and guess what happens ... She starts fuming! She starts and doesn't end until she goes to bed! " He this.. He that " " She this ... She that " And most of the this and that is not polite enough to be on here!

So In a sentence her problem is that she cannot accept the fact that although they had "good times" a long time ago, he is just not that into her now!. Where's my problem in it? I can see my friend ruining herself in this process! She doesn't give her best in anything that she does because she spends a huge percentage of her time day-dreaming about him! She gets upset over silly things like i got to see him and she didn't or he passed by and pretended like she was just another piece of furniture! It hurts me to think of how much she can put with this and how much longer can i stand this?

I tried. I told her he wasn't worth being with her, she got mad at me! I told her there are a thousand other guys who are better than him and she deserves to be with one of them, she stopped talking to me! I told her that although you guys had something special it was real while it lasted, now its nothing more than last week's stale bread. You have to get over past and live in the present! She said it was the most real thing possible and that there was nothing more to love that what she had seen! I mean is that even possible? I told her of the couple who have been married 51 years now and still say that there's so much more to love that they haven't seen! I told her that at the present there were too many other things that were real. She is a girl! Gone are the days when a girl's only identity was the man she was with! No that's not the same anymore! Girls now are independent and free! They don' habe to deal with stuff like this anymore not this young anyways! You know what she said " No a girl still needs a man in her life without which life is incomplete " ??? so i said " You have your father and brother .... " There is no arguing with her!

I need some one to tell this to her, I need to make her realize her worth! I just don't know what to do with her!

Wondering around my head..

2008-12-02T00:34:00.002+03:00

rationale might be the way we all were thought to think... 1+1=2!!

but sometimes logic doesn't make any sense.. just close your eyes and follow...

I would reach a point where I can surrender to it.. and make it take me with it where ever it wants..

some people may call it naive... some might call it cliche...

I would call it reality.. just close your eyes .. and let it lead you..

disclaimer: this is a final warning, this blog and all its contributors are not responsible of your wasted time following logic... and what makes sense more !!

Friendship woe!

2008-09-17T22:12:00.005+03:00

I have lost a friend
I feel relived yet low
you lost that friend
Only because you said no

I had to do it
Because I couldn’t take it anymore
Yet I miss something,
The friend that I adored

But if doing the wrong thing, made him stay
And doing the right thing, drove him away
Where does that leave you, a foe? A friend?
Or just a stupid girl, who should have never stepped his way

I wonder if I was a friend to him
More than he was a friend to you
Yes, he said I was one of his trusted friends
Yet you couldn’t say that about him and you

So probably we are not friends
But we held each others company
I know almost everything about him
And he knows nothing about you, not worth a penny

Some things are better to let go
What was never fine, couldn’t get better anymore
He was never a friend you should by now know
Why mourn a loss that wasn’t meant to be your

I have lost “someone’s” company
Just because I said no
Have I done the right thing? Yes I know!
Do I miss him? Not anymore, NO!

"If i ever had a conversation with myself

it would be like so

one part of me would be strong and ready to move on

one part would be soft and sad and try not to let go!"

looking around...

2008-07-28T02:34:00.003+03:00

5 months have passed .. and change occurred ..
no we cant go back .. nor cant we forget...

each blink shows magic .. each direction shows glow ..
each person has perception .. each idea must flow ..

struggling with pictures floating in my head .. wondered around the blog for a while .. but at last here I end ...

3 months have passed .. and change occurred ..

our friends are leaving .. and were still here stuck ..
one night whe they left us .. the place was really cold ..

it was me n hampaka (wutever :p) sitting there on there couch ..
the place was life less ... and the breath became ice ..

well like every thing else .. life keeps going on .. and new adventures await us .. and new chapters are..

1 minute passed by .. and hibernation ends now .. and we summon you back .. Our friends we adore you ......................
but life keeps going on ..

:)

...miss..love..want...

2008-02-25T21:04:00.001+03:00

u miss?... I miss...
u love?... I love...
u want?... I want...

missing so many things in life... especially those that we love...
missing spending time with friends... missing being with them...
missing family and their stories... missing your childhood...
missing cousins and sleepovers... but missing you the most...

loving everything around you... loving my family...
loving my friends... loving spending time with him and her...
loving the thought of the future... loving the remembrance of the past...
loving the people around me... loving every aspect in life...
loving the smile of a child... but loving you is what kills me the most...

wanting my life back... wanting my past to come...
wanting my childhood stories... wanting my silly jokes...
wanting the smile that's gone... wanting the happy moments
wanting to be with friends... wanting to be with family...
wanting the future... but wanting you back tops it all...

I'LL SHOW YOU A REAL APPLIED REGRESSION ANALYSIS

2008-02-23T21:01:00.008+03:00

While I try to find out if we're correlated positively, or whether our relationship is linear , I find that you are testing me to a critical point. And there I used to think that you were normally distributing me.

Try not to sum the squares of errors, and think of the least squares. Since when did you have to question your hypothesis to find out whether we were linear or not. So what happens when you find the t value? and what if my t-critical value is less than your t-value? will you reject me? I'm scared that you might have to additionally test our fit by conducting an f-statistic, because you might find an SSE ( an error sum of squares)

Oh so you're only 95% confident? This confidence interval is not that important, what's important is the 0.05 significance value- Yes it's significant ...because with this significance, you get your degrees of freedom..

See now that you forward selected, and really looked backward just to find what's best.. you find that my R^2 value is high, and that my Cp is low.. This means that i'm good enough of a variable to consider...

You better not test me again.. because I'm a full, not a reduced model.

its not that bad....

2008-02-18T22:35:00.003+03:00

احسك للحزن مخلوق ... ولا ينفع معاك اي شي ..

ياقلبي اهدا وروق .. عطني احساس انك حي ..

ياقلبي ريح اعصابك .. كذا طبع الزمن قاسي ..

"dont be sad"....

whats the point of those moments you spend ....

and after all that depression, u realize that ur not the only one HERE !!....

---

we all succeed, we all lose,
and with each down there is an up ^
dont ever lose that spirit ... cuz eventually you'll get that smile back ...

i myself didnt think that it will turn out to be this way ...

- Five Things Life taught me :
1- EXPECT the UNEXPECTED .. * seriously ! *
2- Perfection doesn't EXISTS .. * So true ! *
3- You are Your Only Best Friend .. * I guess **** agree's with me ! *
4- Things never last .. * They Die ? don't They ? *
5- Drama Sucks ~ unless it is a fictional story.. * Shakespeare's specialty !*
(my cousin)

at the end always say ... keep ur smile on ... n thank god ..

Random Thoughts ...

2008-02-18T21:52:00.010+03:00

Good evening dear bloggers, Gossip Moe here, your one and only source to random thoughts about Life. You will be the first to know the hot gossip about Life and her friends, the latest drama in our gossip-giver Life. Oh, Life. You are so entertaining. I love you. Careful all, you never know when Life might strike you by her presence, and if you are, believe me, I will be the first to report.

It would take a lot of time for you to understand Life. It might seem bitchy. It might seem nice. Call me naive, or call me pure hearted for thinking this. Love me on the outside. Hate me on the inside. Do you think I care? Yes, I do, but I do not care about you. Yes, I do care. I care about you. Careful now, if you are smart enough, you will figure out which "you" fits your category best.

"As for me, I'm happy where I am. I just want to be with you."

XOXO,

Gossip Moe ;)

PS: Yes, this is the randomness in my head right now. Do you like? :P

wishing...

2008-02-09T00:10:00.000+03:00

it really doesn't matter...
the way we act.
the way we look.
the way we communicate.

we're all the same.

we all hope...
we all yearn, pray and deeply desire....

we close our eyes tightly,
clench our fists,
start thinking very hard...

just like we did when we were younger.

we hope, we yearn, we desire...
that when we open our eyes...
it will all come true.

because after all,
you and me...
we're not so different...

نحن و البحر

2008-01-26T11:12:00.000+03:00

متى نرسا على برٍ
فلقد تعبنا من الأمواج

ضاق بكبره بحر
وزاد به الأۥجاج

ما صُنع البحر إلا لغامرٍ
و على ركوبه كنا لجاج

ما خلقنا إلا لنصرٍ
وهمُّ البحر ما زادنا إلا إبتهاج

____

في حدِّ سودة الطريق نور
وللنور نتسابق بلهفةٍ و نهيج

حـــــســــــن

2008-01-23T22:14:00.001+03:00

in the middle of trouble, he comes with his laugh, he is the most concerned about his child, whereas he laughs.... he knows hes in trouble, but that he wont show... situation is always with him under control ... the master of pranks .... who faces real life .... the person i know ... that knows who he is ...

the thing i love about him, being simple with life... no perfection... no intention .... just all he can give ... never tired never restless.. you cant see inside ... hes always there helping not showing any pride...

after these years of brotherhood, i could see in his eye's .... he might be in pain, but that no one realize... looks cool, shows calmness, his wisdom leads him into your heart....

thought me how superman acts in action ...

"ايه اكثر اسماء العرب تحمل معاني اسماءها "

may allah keep our brotherhood

(image taken by my cousin)

GIMME GIMME MORE

2008-01-13T21:37:00.000+03:00

It's Subai bitch!

I see you...
And I just wanna say...
hehe...

Everytime they put this song on
Just wanna see Mahmeed on the pole
Public display of his obsession
Feels like no one else in the room (but him)

He can get down like there's no one around
We keep on watchin (keep on watchin')
He keep on rockin' (rockin')

Visions are flashing while he's dirty dancing
We keep on watching (keep on watchin')
He keep on rockin' (rockin')
Feels like Oluba's saying:

Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more

Center of Attention ('tension)
Even in the lounge with W.B.*
You got us in a crazy position (yeah)
If we weren't Muslim (then)
You'd get our permission (so)

Only get down when there's no one around
You keep on rockin' (keep on rockin')
We keep on watchin' (watchin')

Visions are flashing while he's dirty dancing
We keep on watching (keep on watchin')
He keep on rockin' (rockin')
Feels like Olouba's saying:

Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more

(...etc...)

Beat you didn't see this one comin'
The incredible Subai
The legendary Mr. Moe Brit, haha
And the unstoppable Omar
Ha, you gonna have to block me
'Cause I ain't going no where, haha
(More)

http://www.completealbumlyrics.com/lyric/131788/Britney+Spears+-+Gimme+More.html

*W.B. (aka White Bitch, aka my number one fan, lol)

Shut up and Listen!

2008-01-12T02:56:00.000+03:00

I’m not big of a writer and I don’t really enjoy writing. I have tried journaling my thoughts and feelings since I was going through a difficult time in my life for the past year. I spend most of my time talking and never thought about writing. I found out that it is so much easier to write what I think about rather than verbalizing it.

When I think (I usually don’t think) about things the first thing that comes to my mind is that god gave us two ears, two eyes, and two hands because he wants us to observe more, to listen more and to act more instead of talking and probably that’s why we only have one mouth.. to talk less..

My point is that we should all as human beings work together to help each other. I lost friends because I wasn’t there for them and never actually knew what was wrong. Now I know why! Because I didn’t listen to them, I didn’t notice the changes in their behaviors. LISTEN more to your friends. OBSERVE everything around you because there will always be a moment that you will say “if I paid more attention!” “If I listened to what s/he had to say!” Be there for the person who needs you!

.. Million Faces in a Crowd ..

2008-01-07T05:13:00.000+03:00

Salam everyone,

When it comes to writing, we are enemies. I'm more of a reader..
A couple of friends told me before: "you know, you should write something"..
to my absolute shock (now) my reaction was a laugh, tending to be a hysterical one rather than being a "yeah yeah inshalla" kinda laugh..

Why you ask? Well, I couldn't see myself writing anything. I have never been able to express myself at all. This mostly resulted in getting my personality misunderstood by others, including many people here I consider my friends.

Then again, writing is an art, and well, I suck at that honestly. But then again, I never "really" gave it a chance.

Those two reasons are why this topic - as you may have noticed - "suck" when it comes to the way it was written.

So, I was reading this blog, started with title "It's the thought that counts" .. and skimmed through the topics. From everything written here, one particular thing made me think, the title.

Blog creator, I have no idea if this was intentional, but I find the title very brilliant. It gives a definition to this blog, which ironically means that this blog is undefined (accepts everything), and that exactly what made me write today.

I've heard something today, that kept rolling over and over in my head, and I cant seem to shake it off. Now this kind of thing happens to me alot, but that suddenly collided with "It's the thought that counts". So I've decided to take that in a very literal meaning and post what I've heard.

I'll leave you with these words..

and even though i lost her
she never looked so beautiful from up here
million faces in a crowd
you will always shine them out
she never looked so beautiful from down here
living illusions darling
i can't face the truth
seeing the dream of you and me
but it's not meant to be
another disaster
my heart has been shattered again
it's two a.m. in the morning
and i'm crying now, crying now
lying in my bed
million faces in a crowd
you were always shining out
she never looked so beautiful from down here ~Jc Chassez

The Pancake Stack

2008-01-06T15:46:00.000+03:00

A wise young Sco222ish gurl once asked me in an orientation counselor interview:

"In a stack of 10 pancakes, which one would you be?" (1 being the bottom of the stack)

The first answer that comes to most people's minds is of course number 10: the top of the stack , the leader of the bunch, the HEAD pancake! But after seconds of realistic thought one comes to the obvious conclusion that might not be where they really are in life's stack of pancakes, as it is only logical that not everyone is born a leader (or is destined to lead for that matter). Even if he/she is a proud Carnegie Mellon graduate.

For me, I knew I wasn't a leader, not that I couldn't be, rather I didn't want to be. On the other hand I also knew I wasn't meant to be on the bottom of the stack, not that it was something to be ashamed of (as Ayman wisely pointed out to me, the pancake on the bottom of the stack is the one holding the rest of the pancakes up so they can stand tall).

That said, I knew where I stood among the 10 pancakes standing in the column that only each and every one of them can understand. I was number 5! (NO! not the Chanel fragrance MoMo!) Not necessarily "the middle" but as close as I can be to it. This was because, at the time, I claimed that being a leader was not for me, neither was being the guy at the bottom taking everyone's crap. I stated, during the interview, that being in the middle allowed me to take somma* of the responsibility while being able to delegate some of that responsibility to people below me if the pressure was too much.

Looking back, I was wrong. As the fall semester of 2007 unraveled I realised I don't like people telling me what to do, let alone being responsible for anyone else! Interaction with people on the whole was a very sensitive thing with me. I'm not anti-social but not necessarily the most social person in the world. I love people, not necessarily as human beings, rather as "Wii-motes". I can interact and have fun with it whenever I want and give it new batteries whenever it's out. I don't like to be part of the people rather a seperate entity that jumps in whenever it is needed.

So after careful and time wasting analysis (during a wonderful and looong stay in the bathroom) I came to the conclusion that I'm not on the top of the stack for I choose not to be a leader. I am not on the bottom of the stack as I am not one that likes to be told what to do. Therefore, I am the syrup!

I am on the side. I am not held responsible for other people's actions but I am held accountable for the mistakes I make. I am not part of the organization of people I am "with" rather I compliment them. I don't control where I stand on the table of life, as there is a higher being that has somewhat determined where that place will be. But by whichever pancake stack I stand next to, I am sure to provide the support and sweetness ;) that stack needs.

That was my take on where I stand within the pancake stack. Where do you?

*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

I have not evolved!

2008-01-05T20:59:00.000+03:00

I am a dark skinned arab girl that has evolved from living in a tent raising sheep and camels.
That being said, I hate the cold, I cant tolerate it in any way or form.

I do enjoy the cold breeze on my face from time to time, but not a freezing breeze.
I don't like my stomach being angry due to a chill (0 degrees celsius and below).

I don't enjoy the sniffles, cough or dryness.
I don't enjoy the cold feet, fingers and nose.

I am after all a dark skinned arab girl who evolved from living in a tent raising sheep and camels.
May I add... in the hot weather with a hot breeze carrying grains of sand...

2008-01-02T14:28:00.000+03:00

He walks into the dark room. It’s hard to see anything other than his shadow as it spans the floor. He shuts the door, careful not to let the light creep in. She pays no attention to him. But standing by the window starring at the rain, she grabs a quick glance at him from the corner of her eye.

Although she had been expecting him, she had secretly hoped he wouldn’t come. But at the end of the day, he was her only friend. And as a good friend, he not only listens to her, but offers her advice, and believes in her when she doesn’t want to believe in herself.

“Have you come to tell me ‘I told you so’?”

He puts his hands in his pockets and slowly takes a few steps towards her. He allows his head to drop and shake in disappointment, then lifts it up, tilts to the side and gives out a soft sigh. “I‘m just here to help.”

She tries hard to hold back the tears, but as hard as that was to do, it was harder to accept the fact that he did indeed tell her so. As much as she hated to admit it, he was always right. No matter how hard she tried to prove him wrong, she always ended up alone, empty…and wrong.

“We met in the rain, much like this one; remember?”

“Vaguely,” she lied. Truth was she remembered that evening as if it were yesterday. It was the first night that she felt helpless. The first time she had cut herself. Her first encounter with him. She was hurt, on the ledge of desperation, and in need of a shoulder to lean on. And there he was. Without uttering a single word, he sat beside her on the bench. As he gazed deep into her eyes, all the pain and loneliness she had felt, she saw in his eyes. And it was on the night at the park, that she shared a darkness in her with someone who knew how she felt - not just pretended like he knew, but truly felt her desperation.

She let him into her heart.

“No one will ever understand you like I do.”

She didn’t reply, but as her eyes twitched and she let a cigarette, she remembered that same night on the bench. They had talked about life, of love, boredom, lessons, dreams, pain and relief. Although he seemed dark and cynical, he was certainly knowledgeable. He always had the answers to everything.

“I‘m just so tired!” she admits as she quickly wipes a tear from her eyes.

He takes a few steps closer to her and places his hand on her shoulder as he softly whispers into her ears, “I know.” Placing both hands on each of her shoulders, he looks at her, “Why is it so hard for you to do the right thing?”

“Because it’s hard!” She exclaims.

“You know the right thing to do is always the hardest thing. You just have to have faith. Why do you keep putting yourself in the same situation? Take control of your life. Take a stand. Do what needs to be done.”

She’s still silent, starring at the rain through the window. A tear runs down her cheek.
He sits down at a table. “Let me help you.”

She turns around and heads towards the table where he sits. She grabs a chair on which the moonlight shines down upon, and sits in front of him. “Here…consider it a gift,” he says.
She lights another cigarette and takes a deep puff. As he gets up and walks towards the window, she stares at the table and what lies on it. He’s always been there for her, a good friend. Why stop trusting him now?

“You always believe in me when no one else does.”

She looks at him as he says, “that‘s what friends are for.” And slowly she places her cigarette on the ashtray.

A loud bang goes off and her body collapses on the table as blood from her head drips all over the table.

He says nothing. Does nothing. Lights a cigarette and expresses a cheeky smile as he passes her body and heads towards the door. “You know why they call me the Devil?” he asks rhetorically. “Because if you got things the wrong way around, Life Isn‘t Very Exciting Dear.”

He leaves…

Its Another New Year...

2008-01-01T23:21:00.000+03:00

A new year, with new hopes, new dreams, new outlooks…

I always wonder why as sane human beings with very intellectual minds (some of our race at least) always act happy and cheer when the clock hits 12 on the first day of every year. Why?

Is it because we’re happy that another disastrous year went by? If it was a happy year, why are we cheering because it ended?

Is it because we celebrate the many new clean slate days we’ve been offered with a new year? Or are we screaming “Happy New Year” in the hopes of it really being a happy one?

Are we partying because it’s a chance to party and scream without judgment? Or are we joining the crowd because that’s what the majority does?

Are we happy because its time to renew the resolutions we forget about the next day? (but really this time we may stick to!) Or because it’s a new year, meaning new experiences, new hopeful paths?

No matter why we’re celebrating, or screaming, or cheering, or lack of the aforementioned, may this year be THE YEAR.

Yes the year where you get the thing you’ve been wanting for so long, whether it’s a friend, or a lover, or a brother, or another…

Yes the year where you get what you want whether it’s a job, or a bachelors degree, or a driving license, or a wedding, or a business…

Yes the year where you realize what you are worth, what you have become and be happy for it. Realize your beauty, your confidence and your charm and smile because of it.

Yes the year you realize your potential, your intellect, your dreams and actually go for it.

This is your year, believe it.
This is your year, live it.
This is your year, own it.
Because you know there will always be next year to start over (Inshalla).

May this be the year you remember and laugh about when you're 80.

Happy New Year with happy new thoughts, because it’s the thought that counts…

2008

2008-01-01T11:48:00.000+03:00

Eight! Bonsoir! Or maybe bonjour! I know you will not be able read this, but I hope you are fine. I know you are because you are facing the Eiffel Tower, smiling, happy, not thinking of anything else, and enjoying the moment. So, bonsoir, or maybe bonjour, enjoy your life my friend, and hopefully, I will join you next year.

Seven! Seven years since you left; has it been this long? I still miss you, but I moved on. I will always remember you, but I moved on. I learn from the mistakes you have done, heal from the scars you have left, live by the lessons you taught, and care for the people you cared about, but I will move on. I hope I am making you proud as you look down at me, but I have to move on.

Six! Most people say you're loud, and you admit that you are. Most people say you're their sunshine, and you love the color yellow. Most people respect what you have become and that is what you longed for. Most people want to hear you sing, and you love to sing, but you still will not sing. I love the loud one, and the yellow sunshine. I love Y, and I love W.

Five! Orange is your favorite color. You have an African American gangster living inside of you. Those are just a few things I know about you. You play the piano. You want to runaway to anywhere but here. Those are just a few things I know about you. You have high dreams, and you long to achieve them. You are strong and independent. Those are just a few things I know about you. You think Peach is a whore, and you love Mario Party like I do. Those are a few things I know about you.

Four! Spotted: Loud laughs with a headscarf! I have heard those laughs before. I have made fun of those laughs too. What could it be this time around? Did she reenact something again? Did she finally catch him dancing on tape? Was it just a joke? Or maybe she just called her brother "hot" again. Careful you, the "Master of GAYME" can become the student in a breeze. Until then, keep laughing. It reminds me of the few pure-hearted people left in this world. Until next time, you know you love me, XOXO, gossip you-know-who.

Three! "It's Britney, B*tch." Keep dancing because it will always make you happy. "Get Back!" Keep singing because you have a beautiful voice. "You Want A Piece Of Me" Stay the way you are, imperfect, because you are perfect that way. "Got You On My Radar" You know will never leave my radar, you sexy thing! "I Am Cold As Fire, Baby, Hot As Ice." And since she'll always make our friendship more fun than it already is, let's keep singing "Gimme Gimme More."

Two! Previously on "Grey's Anatomy," we need to bond soon. We have not done that in a long time. Previously on "Desperate Housewives," I cannot wait to see you graduate because I know that will make you happy. Previously on "Ugly Betty," I will be sad to see you go. I wonder how it will be after graduation. I wonder if we will still be in touch. Previously on "Lost," whatever the outcome might be after graduation, we will stay friends. Previously on "Heroes," we will discuss all of these things, and then some. We will bond soon. Previously on "Me," I personally cannot wait for our Amazing Race. We will have so much fun doing it. Previously on "You," come back to Doha already!

One! Or should I say three? Without you, I would not be where I am. Without you, I would not know how to challenge the new obstacles. Without you, I would not have anyone to pick on and care about. Without all of you, I would not have understood the meaning of a family. I think I will say three. Not one. Not ever.

"Happy New Year," the world shouts as time hits 00:00 indicating the end of a year celebrating the begging of another year, another 366 days, another 8,784 hours, another 527,040 minutes, and another, oh, do I have to count the seconds? "Happy New Year," I would shout, but I will not for the mere reason that I do not celebrate new years. And whether you read this or not, whether you are here or not, I just want you know that you have affected my life.

2008 is here, and it's going to be a memorable year.

I have faith in you

2007-12-30T15:00:00.000+03:00

"I have faith in you" is a sentence i heard at the end of my dream one night weeks ago. The unbelievably believable feeling i experienced while I heard that, is something I'll never forget; I would think it was real if i hadn't woken up. It gives me hope to hear someone say I have faith in you. Especially if that person is me..

lost ME

2007-12-22T01:34:00.000+03:00

بين انقاض الورق ... باحثاً عن نفسي بين صالح الجديد .. والصالح المستجد ... بين ماهو ينبغي .. وبين ما اريد ...

in this institution called college, ive seen other aspects of me .. a different face had shown .. while the acts are the same ... the wildness... happiness ... but im missing the thought ..........

ive been thinking about the name of the blog ... thoughts do matter .... its each and every one's thoughts..... and shifting from one extreme to the other might be bad .....

i cant imagine how our thoughts change without us knowing that .... our behavior might not change ... our acts may not also ... but the way we think ..... believe me it has changed .... i remember how i felt about certain issues ... and my look to different stuff .... and oh boy do i miss the old Me.... on the other side ... its good to be CooL ... to be mE ... but ... there are some lines that must be crossed ......

im still lost between Me and mE .... i hope i get the right equation as i move on the path ..

the true irony is ... that i call my self ... COOLEST EVER ... while my name is SALEH .....

Half the Moon

2007-12-15T00:55:00.000+03:00

I'm on the other side of the moon

I'm sure someone thought of this before..

but i'm thinking of it now

I'm on the bright side of the moon, what did you think?

You see when I said the other side, i assumed you were on another planet

Where you only see the dark

But brightness really only shines at night

To those on Earth

those who enjoy my shine

those who look at me and wonder

"is that a man on the moon i see"

No dear, it's a woman, it's me

sign away my life...

2007-12-14T23:50:00.000+03:00

without darkness there would be no light
without a husband there would be no wife
without day there would be no night
without me there would be no MY life.

Life works in many ways, left ways, rights ways,
Stupid ways, nice ways, basically…

Opposite ways…

When we sign the contract of living in this world,
We sort of take responsibility of bearing it all.
We bear the good and the bad.
We bear the life and the death.

Its all in this clause that states “free will”
Being non-omniscient of course makes this 'will' harder,
We don’t necessarily always choose the right path, we don’t always necessarily choose the path that will make us happy, we simply choose. We choose and hope for the best.

We choose and we bear it all.

You signed the contract…
“I (insert name) take responsibility for all that I have chosen, and will live with its consequences, I acknowledge that I have the free will to choose, and thus bear it all.”

Signed…

college is taking my time

2007-11-30T00:32:00.000+03:00

just missed another important occasion, college is not the one to blame... its I who had forgotten significant dates, numbers, and yeah ...... PEOPLE .....

its this gap that is being created by college.... moving me from OTHERS ... i want my life back ...

i know that the trip is hard, and that it's just the beginning.... i hope i won't reach the point of break down ........... no it wont happen... ive made it through much harder situations, felt this soar sting , "what doesnt kill me ... makes me stronger...." in that i shall believe standing in the face of the tornado... up the river stream ....

thanks for believing in me .... and reminding me of my purple scarf....

be "you"

2007-11-24T13:05:00.000+03:00

Why are you spending the prime of your life longing for the acceptance of others??
Are you willing to waste your life trying to fit into one frame or another seeking approval!!
Haven’t you ever wondered why it is that despite the great organization of the world, nature has no fixed form!
The moon has different faces, and the human’s perception of it, values and devalues it by adding to its faces.
Identity is not static, it is changeable, adaptable.
So instead of trying to be what “they” want, just be “you” and instead of seeking the unattainable acceptance of all, demand respect. For respect is what counts not acceptance.

another stressful night, so another poem

2007-11-15T04:34:00.000+03:00

Dear Baby,

Every time I see you, i can never know,
How I feel so just read below

I hate you cuz you make me shout,
I hate you cuz you make me doubt

You take away my evening sleep,
Yet you say your love is deep

You care so much, yet sometimes you don’t
I just cant figure wat the hell u want

You make me angry, yet you are chilling
Still you wonder, why is this depressing??

I know that you love me, and that I suck
In so many ways, but that’s ur luck

What can I say? this world aint fair
So deal with it, and go with my flair

Try to embrace me, not get pissed at me
I am not that bad, or why would u love me?

Are you the one, is not the dilemma
It’s that for you, I would kill Emma

I cant predict what will I do
If you leave me here, I wont get through

For now my anger is kinda of less,
But my frustration, is still a stress

I sometimes scream, and I always bicker,
But how I feel is as dazzling as glitter

I sometimes doubt, and I always talk
But how I feel is a booming stock

I hope you know how I love to shout
I hope you know how I enjoy to doubt

Next time I see you, I will try to know
But it will help, if ur not like SNOW

depression has reached the limits ....

2007-11-12T16:11:00.000+03:00

ألزمت نفسك شيئا ليس يلزمها* أن لا يواريهم أرض ولا علم

totally scattered, tears filling my eye's, and no one to share.
its always been me ... im always the man ... tasks are infinite, and no one to share.
ive been always helpful ... putting others before me.. the word "NO" ive forgotten... it destroyed my self-esteem, and no one to share.

im clueless, im helpless.... and who i seek for help, needs me, and no one to share.
reached passion... reached fame ... that all gave me shame ... what ever i do ... it always returns on me, and no one to share.
been broken, been stabbed ... been frozen, been hanged, my heart just fainted... my brain just jammed, and no one to share.

its times of pressure that u try to hide, its when everyone else.. on you relied ...
its times when your emotions take over your mind .. its when you cant take it, nor can you deny ..
ur betraying yourself here .. your hurting your soul ..
how ironic it is when self-centered is defending team work ..

while im honored , im successful ... that doesn’t go with me ... its always when success comes ..... something awful happens to me, and no one to share.

محضتني النصح لكن لست اسمعه* ان المحب عن العذل في صمم

this no one whose hidden... is someone in me ... its Saleh... O great Saleh ... that is in trouble .. in trouble indeed .....

وإذا كانت النفوس كباراً ........ تعبت في مرادها الأجساد ......

استميح العذر عن تذمري ونواحي ... فلا مفر لي سوى ... قلوب احبائي ...

someone, somewhere...

2007-11-06T21:54:00.000+03:00

Someone, somewhere. You make me smile.
Someone, somewhere. Doesn’t know they do.

Someone, somewhere. You make it worthwhile.
Someone, somewhere. Hope you feel it too.

Someone, somewhere. Doesn’t matter who you are.
Someone, somewhere. I hope its you.

Someone, somewhere . All alone inside.
Someone, somewhere. I am there for you.

Someone, somewhere. Please don’t cry.
Someone, somewhere. I cry sometimes too.

Someone, somewhere. Don’t be ashamed.
Someone, somewhere. Because I have a secret too.

Someone, somewhere. Don’t give up.
Someone, somewhere. You will make it through.

Someone, somewhere. It will become true.
Someone, somewhere. I love you too.

Someone, somewhere. I thank you.
Not for all you have given me, but for allowing me to give you too.

Forbidden communication

2007-11-02T00:21:00.000+03:00

being unable to communicate with the surroundings is hard to live with ...

its like you are in a glass jar, where everybody passes by ... but no-one shows any reaction to your movement ...

talking without anybody hearing you
moving without anybody watching you
being there ... without anybody noticing you ..........

---

as a little baby .. i stood there .. in the world of giants ... trying to copy their moves ... looking stupid from above ... but still ... i want to draw attention ... anybody .. please .. im over here ... ya ... all the way under ... but still no body reaches to me ...

after lots of failures ... i surrendered to the fact that im not one of them ... im a tiny "thing" walking and imitating their actions ... screaming with all my voice ... and still no one hears me ...

frustrated with no hope ...

---

need to communicate ... need to communicate ...

Dear Friend

2007-10-31T20:02:00.000+03:00

Hey guys, here is another one....

Dear friend,

Every time we meet, we kiss hello
But how I feel please read below

I cant believe how far we became
I still don knw who to blame

I’hve been your friend for so much time
But now I wonder was it worth a dime

I see you around and I cant help but wonder
Wat brought us together, was it surrender ?

You talk about me behind my back
Worse, u have strangers keepin track

I miss our laughs and our cries
But tht’s not enough to forgive ur lies

I’ll leave you alone and that will teach you
To leave a friend who’s dying to reach you

I still love you and I really care
But, u hurt my dignity and I shall bare

Will we talk again? Don’t ask me
I thought we’d be friends till eternity

What good it does me to see you around
But not talk to you, are you sane and sound?

Again I see you and I kiss you hello
But I cant forget you left me hollow

Loving Lies

2007-10-31T15:12:00.000+03:00

Making promises is lying and lying is being true to form.

I think if we told each other how we really feel, we'll discover that we're full of bullshit.

We'll discover that the hate we harbor for each other is only a supernova of all the mistakes we made and all the things we forgot to say to make it all just go away.

But we do it anyway. We smile and pretend & hope until all we are is this fragile bubble filled with a dark storm brewing over a teardrop of resentment that turned into a fatal flood breaking the bubble.

So what would happen? What would happen when the charade falls away and the imagery that doesn't make sense were stripped of its words and all that remained is a memory of what we once were?

Will you tell the truth and call me a liar to my face? Or shall we be polite and continue to ride out this storm to the edge of the world, against a hard rock and discover the greatest truth of all? The truth is we love the lies before the fall.

You shouldn't ask what I'm thinking.

2007-10-30T02:15:00.000+03:00

Well here you go again…

See,

It’s not that I disagree with what you’re saying...
I just don’t care.

It’s not that I think I’m right and you’re wrong..
It just doesn’t matter.

It’s not that I’m not listening.
I am.
I listened the last time too.
And the time before that.

But even those times, I just didn’t care and it just didn’t matter.

And I’m okay with that. I’m okay with the way things are. I’m even okay with not caring.

Except…

I do. I do care. I care so much it's tearing me apart.

One's Random Thoughts (Like, Totally Random ...)

2007-10-29T23:59:00.000+03:00

“Am I going too far?” she once asked. “Am I crossing a red line?” he’d once wonder. “Am I making sense?” they’d always think. There are always a few things she’ll never say out loud. There are always a few things you’ll never know. “Yes.” She’d answer herself. “Yes.” Again. “No.” breaking the chain of yeses.

We all talk to ourselves every once and a while. We always have thoughts running up and down in our minds. “I hate him.” It would shout out. “I hope she would leave me alone.” It steps in our heads. And sometimes, “Gimme Gimme,” the simplest, cheesiest, “Gimme,” thoughts would repeat themselves over and over every 10 seconds, “Gimme Gimme More.”

We never share our thoughts. We keep them down inside, deep down inside, where no one can find them, where no will suspect and look for them, where no one would understand them. We would never speak out. We would never tell our closet friends our darkest secrets. They’ll never understand, or at least, we would always like to think.

We never show our anger. We were always told to let your anger out. But that was always a lost cause on passive aggressive. The fire would stay in. It would never burns. Always inward. Always dying slowly. Always inside. We will never show our anger, and we will never say we’re angry, or at least, we would always like to think.

We always want to be happy. We always look for the smallest things that would give us the little escape from reality, but a slap from Ms. Reality would always wake us up. We think our happiness is in escaping from the torturing hell to the desired heaven. We know its not. Deep down inside. We know. We all want to be happy. We would always run after happiness. But we don’t know that we’re already happy. We just do not want to admit it, or at least, we would always like to think.

People will always come and go. Friends will hurt and heal us. We will feel left out. We will feel loved. We will feel angry. We will feel calm. People will always live and die. We will mourn. We will smile. We will laugh. We will cry. Friends will be the best and the worst. We will be touched. We will be ignored. People will always come and go, and our emotions won’t make it easy, or at least, we would always like to think.

Random things in her head. She smiles a little, cries a little, and misses him a little. Random things in your head. Anger in desperation for happiness. Random things in my head. But I will never say. I will never tell. I will keep them inside. They’re my secrets, and you will never know them. I will never tell, or at least, I would always like to think.

I will stop the confessions, confessions that never truly made sense to anyone except for me. I won’t call them confessions anymore. No more titles beginning with “Confessions Number X” anymore. This is not a new “era.” This is not a confession. Those are the random thoughts of a random guy you have come to know for a number of years now. Those are the jotting downs of thoughts of a random guy. After all, it’s the thought that counts.

it didnt change ...

2007-10-29T21:11:00.000+03:00

سرى بي هاجس الذكرى على متن الخيال وهام

يرد الذهن لأيام تعدتني لياليها

اضم الطيف بعيوني واعانق ساري الأنسام

واردد نغمة الماضي على قلبي واغنيها

الا ياليل ياطيف الغريب اللي سهــر مــانــام

تذكر له على بعد المسافه عين يغليها

there in the darkness standing all alone ...
thinking of all the times that have passed ... with or without him .. how my life changed in the last period ... what happened ..? we where in perfect cohesion ..
life was bright ...
im feeling lonely ... do you feel that too?
im feeling desprete ... do you feel that too?
im feeling clueless ... did you feel that too?

disabled.

retarted.

BEHIND.

Everything I used to do stopped since ive shifted to this new mode...
is life all about change....?
how come ... ive changed and im not happy...?
isnt life all about happiness...?
nevertheless ... im still asking .... what happened ....?

.....

in a blink ... i found my self in a new place ... new faces ... NEW ME ....
well ..... here i am standing in the same old place .....
thinking of you .... or in other words...

ME ....

come to my window.

2007-10-29T20:20:00.000+03:00

I open the window, in hopes of being free.
But just one look back, everything falls into pieces.

That’s the problem in living in a dream, its just hopes, desires, never occurring.

One of my favorite quotes is:

“If you greatly desire something, have the guts to stake everything on obtaining it”

I want it. I see it. I’m prepared to stake everything for it. Yet somehow I still don’t have it.

So for now. I’ll just look out the window, and hope to one day be there.

I open the window in hopes of being free.
And guess what? This time it happens smoothly without creases.

"Dear Professor" Poem

2007-10-29T02:34:00.000+03:00

Dear professor,

Every time we see you, we say hello
But how we feel please read below

You think you are all that cuz u teach
But little do u knw about wat u preach

U come in the morning all smart and formal
But deep inside u are stupid and casual

You treat the students like they’r ur objects
Though ur job here is to be their subject

go treat urself with our tuition fee
for in hell you shall burn everlastingly

I hate your arrogance and your stupidity
For they always add to our daily melancholy

You mess up with our heads and burden our way
When will it be your turn I am waiting for that day

Sometimes I feel like hitting your face
But there is too much dirt on that space

You are so insignificant for my future life
Yet u find the joy in wasting my time

Just go away and join the army
For someone might want your head and that’s an irony

One day I will look back at wat u teach
And I will know more about wat u preach

Perfect Imperfections

2007-10-28T16:02:00.000+03:00

I am imperfect
True as can be
Subsequently
No one can see
The perfection in me

We live in a world
As shallow as can be
Observes and judges
Based on weakness skin deep
From this harshness
No one can flee
One falls victim to the rules of majority
Veils of equality
Intimidated by ambiguities
Which enforced by formality
Builds and molds
A brand new human creed
One that suffices to social proceed

Social proceed according to race
Regardless of rights
Whatever the case
Social proceed according to worth
How much you spend
Determines the way
People respect you
With words said astray
Social proceed according to appearance
The casual clean look
Formal to the book
All must be followed with adherence

There are those who suffer
Because of their race
They are perceived
According to the color of their face
From this fate they cannot hide
And so they cry
Hoping that one day
The racist veil
Would make its way
Off their covered eyes

And there are those
Who are so lucky
Content with their wealth
They have all the money
A human heart may desire
Yet for more, they aspire

People who know them
View them with glee
The moment they part
That look turns to envy
As the rich start to shower their new friends with gifts, free
Oh how wonderful it must be
To live a life so care free
In this world we live in so perfectly
Even if that world didn’t comply
With the human heart’s infinite greed

I am one with many odd habits
I cannot stop them
I am an addict
I crack my back, I twist and turn, I twitch my eyes
To me it’s a habit
To the world
A retarded disguise
I’m flaky, unfocused
Unorganized
Like many I continuously try
To change all my faults
To satisfy
The many wandering eyes
That follow me every day of my life

I myself, have an objection
To the false meaning of perfection
A Dictionary defines it:
“Being without defect or blemish”
That is not a realistic definition
And we all know it
Perfection is not limited to those with no flaw
No mistakes, outside or in
It is those comfortable
With all their defects
And able to feel good
in their own skin

Why should we stand back
And let some old fart
Choose what makes each and every one of us
A perfect piece of art
Drawn and brought to life
By the greatest artist there ever was

Everyone is born with their own characteristics
Like an endless stack of different sticks
All unique in their own way
As long as from their straight state
They don’t stray
And so all of us can be perfect
Among our different arrays
Of races, faces and little tweaks

Tweaks unique to you and me
That fit ourselves perfectly
And that is how I justify
The attack on the unjustified divide
Between the perfect and imperfect side

All I know is I am me
Not you, not him
Just me
Purely
Beautifully
Perfectly
And that is how you can be
Perfect in your own way
Even if no one can see

Subsequently…

I am perfection
True as can be
But sadly
No one will see this perfection but me

***

Regardless,
I am happy
:)

~Poem by Omar Alouba~

I sometimes hate her.

2007-10-27T02:12:00.000+03:00

“Where are you going?” She asked.
“None of your business. I’m just going away, I’m running away for a while. I need to escape.” She said frustrated.
“Escape? Where? How?”
“Just leave me alone!”

And so she escaped. If only for a while.

“Come back! You’ve been gone for too long!” She said in a panic.
She replied “What…?” like waking up from a dream.
“Its 2am you’ve escaped for too long. You have X to do, Y is due in the morning, and the memo for meeting Z.”
“SHIT! I’ve got XYZ to do!” she said to herself.

She knew she should have heard to the ms.reality voice in her head, after all it tried to warn her.

We all have ms.reality constantly asking where we will escape too. How we will do it, because it just seems impossible with all that’s happening around. What ms.reality doesn’t understand is that sometimes you just have to conveniently escape to keep ms.reality alive. Or else you’ll just punch the living hell out of her. Or is it punch yourself?

Either way. Happy escaping. The weekend is nearly over. Said like a true ms.reality.

Will I be Popular?

2007-10-27T00:20:00.000+03:00

She sat thinking on her bed; not realizing her thoughts took her far. They took her to a dark place, nightmares of her childhood, fears that came from them, and vulnerability of her former 8 year old self.

Do any of us really get over our childhood dreams?

If you go back and remember what your 12-year-old self expected you to be today, what do you think he/she would say?

Scenario 1: YAY! Oh my God! You’re totally so cool! I love how I turned out to be!

Scenario 2: who are you? Have we met? weird expression on face

Scenario 3: Wow! I never thought you’d turn out this way but I like. Not bad!

Scenario 4: Are you kidding me! THIS IS HOW I BECOME! (not in a good way)

As young teenagers we always looked forward to how we would become. Why not look back and see what we have become is really what we wanted to become? Keep ourselves in check. Be proud of who we are today. Let our 12-year-old self give us a pat on the back for a job well done on the few years that have passed.

If you don’t find a pat in the back, remember, you’re still breathing, there’s still time to change. Pat on the back for realizing that.